Posted on May 30, 2019
This one has been REAL difficult to write. Not because it is a topic of a sensitive nature, but because it is so fresh and unresolved that it is hard to articulate. Not to mention it feels a bit childish. So here we go.
There have been many times over the last few years, especially after I left my job at a church – which happen to be my spiritual home and social network – where I have felt forgotten. What do I mean? It means I have felt left out and left behind by friends. Ugh. Even now I find myself shaking my head because I am 42 years old and feel immature feeling this way. On the other hand, I cannot deny what I’m feeling, because in the end I love being with people. I love being with my friends. And as God says to us in Genesis, “it’s not good for humanity to be alone.” There is just something about being known and remembered. Know what I mean? Leaving my church and starting The Gate was the best decision of my life! No doubt! But there was a cost. I have three lives. My life as a part time employee at the Apple Store. My life as the pastor of The Gate. (Have I mentioned I love it!? ☺️) My life as a student at Moravian Theological Seminary. The problem is that in each I spend very little time and thus have a very difficult time connecting with people and really developing relationships. And for some of my dearest and oldest friends, they also find themselves in life transitions. So, I hope this all made sense.
One final note. If I have forgotten to reach out and check on YOU, please forgive me. If I am the source of your sense of forgotten-ness, please forgive me.
I’m supposed to offer a prayer here, but honestly I’m not sure how to pray. So I leave this moment believing God has not forgotten me. Now it need only take root in my heart.
Addendum: So I wrote this two years ago, prior to my current bout with anxiety and maybe a little depression. I say all that to say that in my despair I sometimes feel God has forgotten me. I have cried out to him in my darkest moments and often have felt as if I was being ignored. But this is where faith has to come in. Faith is trust in what you can’t see or feel. I may not feel, see, or hear God, but I want to trust his promise that he will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). It’s hard though when your feelings are so close and he feels so far. But I try and trust. I must remember his promise that I am not forgotten.